Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
