hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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