had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
