Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
