The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you traded sex for a burrito?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Houston, we have a blender
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
