This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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