You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So much Jack, so little girl.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
