Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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