I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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