Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
