Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
