I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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