I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
