just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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