I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
