I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
