You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
