i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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