tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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