You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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