Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
