I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
