Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
