After last night, I could never be a politician.
they need to just BURY HIM!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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