Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
