After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
