Don't you send me to vm
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
