You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
