I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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