Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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