i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
