It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
