yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
