My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
