You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
