And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
