grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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