I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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