Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need to sanitize my soul.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
