Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
