They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm at about main and main street
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
