As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
