I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
