Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
