yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
