Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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