everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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