apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
