I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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