Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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