i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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