You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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