I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
