end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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