Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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