a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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