Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
